Wednesday 6 February 2013

Positively Fantastic & the Key to Better Orgasms!

Note - Keep reading here, this gets good. Skip the beginning if you're bored, but the part about orgasms is something you might want to know - and no, I'm not selling weirdly shaped vibrators!

This is a day of happiness, me thinks! Despite a tussle with my shower, unusual in that it only tried to wrangle me once, I came out feeling pretty darn good, with sexy-smooth skin. Always a good feeling. It happens when I bother to use more than one kind of soap for everything - I'm terrible for just using shampoo for everything, which gives me dry skin. This morning I actually used the moisturizing body wash, and it works rather beautifully despite being a generic brand. Luckily I'm blessed with soft skin anyway. By the time I'm dried off and use lotion, I'm pretty spiffy there.

With my new haircut, my hair just kinda looks cool on its own. These are the haircuts I cherish. I do not enjoy standing in front of a mirror, no matter how gorgeous (or not) I might think I am that day, and I sure as hell don't enjoy standing there with my arms over my head, holding skin-burning appliances that I may, or may not, sear my flesh with. Nope. Give me a haircut that requires three seconds of effort on my part any day. Not that I don't clean up well when I choose to, but if it takes that kind of effort to impress people on a regular basis, they're the wrong kind of people.

As most will have guessed already, I'm totally low-maintenance. Every once in a while I will go all out and wow the crap out of people, just for the sheer humour of it, but I don't take myself that seriously. You can probably tell that from the few pictures on my profile. I still get honked at when I walk down the street, which just makes me laugh. I'm forty-one, for crying out loud! Some of those guys are literally young enough to be my sons! The older, more intelligent ones, that I would actually be interested in, show a bit more restraint. Makes things awkward and complicated all around.

Admittedly, it's flattering and feels good to have men show their appreciation for my appearance, especially since I was teased mercilessly as a child for being extremely unattractive. It took me a long time to actually believe a man when he said he found me attractive. I kind of, um, blossomed as a teenager. Well, my chest certainly did. I once had a classmate grab my boobs (one wasn't enough to convince him) because he didn't think they were real. That was in 8th grade I think, maybe 9th. I still remember his first name. Well, it was a pretty memorable encounter. Most guys aren't that ballsy. I wasn't thrilled with him for it at the time, but I laugh about it now.

Back then he was lucky I didn't choose to beat the crap out of him for it. I was a hell of a scrapper in my youth. Of course, the last time I punched someone in the face I was in my twenties. My jab is really potent, and really fast. Not to mention my seriously boney knuckles that actually split skin whenever I hit someone. I'm not an abusive person, as you might be thinking. My friends and I used to spar in my basement, and I was even pulling my punches. Professional fighting might have been a good option for me, had it ever occurred to me. I've got broad shoulders, so I pack a hell of a wallop when I want to, and speed is definitely an asset. Still, I've got more than enough injuries to sustain me through the remainder of my life. I'll need to find another way to vent my aggressive tendencies. Insert tab A in slot B comes to mind (said with an eyebrow wiggle).

Another great thing to discover is that a pair of jeans you haven't worn in a while are still loose on you, and perhaps a bit looser, which was something I found out after my shower. I don't really want to lose weight, though. I was actually too thin for a while, my legs looking like sticks, and normally I have nice legs - a result of figure skating and dancing I would guess, and the muscle memory is still there. I definitely need to tone up, though. I'm far from perfect there. A couple years of sitting on your ass, unable to work out, is never good for muscle tone.

Still, being thin is a good start when it comes to getting in shape again. I can work out strictly for health and muscle, rather than fat-burning. Besides, any fat gets burned easily enough when you have muscle. Muscle fibre oscillates/vibrates all the time. It's living tissue, unlike fat. A lot of people don't understand physiology very well, which is why I'll quickly explain it here. Muscle is actually scar tissue. When you work out you tear the fibres. This is why you need 48 hours' rest between workouts of a particular muscle group. The tears heal into scar tissue, creating muscle. Without rest, you don't get the healing, and thereby don't get the muscles you worked so hard for. This is why real bodybuilders don't work the same body parts two days in a row. It's counterproductive.

There are so many benefits to a proper weight-training routine. Resistance helps increase bone mass, as do impact exercises, except the impact exercises can be dangerous in other ways. As we age weight training becomes more important, not less. An aesthetic benefit to having muscles is that your skin appears to cling to the muscles. Anyone who is aging, and their skin is looking a bit less healthy than they want it to, can benefit from increasing muscle mass. There are things that can't be reversed or fixed, like scars and stretch marks, but they're so common it's ridiculous to be worrying about them. I don't think I've ever seen a body that didn't have both of those things. If you're in shape, that's the last thing anyone is going to be looking at. Either that, or theyr'e an insane prick.

Yes, you still need aerobics. There's no getting around it. The better our hearts and lungs are performing, the better we feel, and there are a million longevity issues to consider there. I say, pick what you like doing and go from there. It has to be something you enjoy, or you won't keep at it. Just be careful. High impact means a high chance of injury. Injuries mean you stop working out. Believe me, I know very, very well. If you're at high risk of injury, or have conditions that make aerobic workouts painful, try swimming.

The third component in working out, as far as my own routine is concerned, is flexibility. I just do some yoga stretches, but that's not your only option. Simple warm-up routines offer similar benefits. Dancers warm up, as do martial artists, runners, and gymnasts. There really isn't too much variation, though. Some are just more extreme than others. After all, it's not likely you're going to need to be able to do the splits, or wrap your ankles around your head. Or, maybe you will. I don't know what your sex life is like. Not judging, just saying.

One awesome benefit of working your abdominals, that you might really want to know about, is that it increases the potency of your orgasms. Ha! I bet that got your attention. This is personal experience talking, and not just research, so pay attention. The pelvic floor muscles, also referred to as Kegel muscles, help with incontinence, create a snug vaginal fit, intensify the orgasmic contractions, increase the size and intensity of erections, and reduce premature ejaculation in men. Don't believe me? Check out the Wikipedia entry here. Increased blood flow from working out the abdominals is a contributing factor, too, helping to engorge both the penis and the clitoris. The benefits are actually felt pretty quickly once you've started working out those abs, so get started. Plenty of fun to be had there!

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